I was going to make this an entirely cereal post, like super cereal, but I just can’t have a serious face when talking (writing) about this. I can’t.
I’m always open to have people email me. In fact, I love getting emails from random people I don’t know. It really makes my day. I love moderating forums and getting PM’s there. I also love moderating forums because I get to see what people are writing before anyone else gets to see what people are writing, and that gives me a power rush and I don’t get too many of those. You know, because all I care about is power. Obviously.
But there is one question, one tiny, itty bitty, off kilter question that pops up in PM’s, emails, moderation queues, posts, whatever. I see it sometimes in blog posts and or random musings too. A lot of the time from teenagers or people my age.
“Do I Sound Schizophrenic?”
Or the variations wherein:
“Am I schizophrenic? Do I have schizophrenia? What Am I going to do, I think I’m schizophrenic!”
First of all, fucks sake, I’m not a doctor! Don’t get all pissy because my response isn’t “my professional opinion is, you’re a psycho bitch; here, take this pill”. I appreciate the acknowledgement of my 1) certain experiences (although I have never personally said I “have schizophrenia”) and 2) psychological “studies”, and I’m totally happy people feel comfortable sharing their experiences with me. Always do that. This isn’t my call to tell people to quit that. This is my very, very long over due ∑ of why this is happening. I could n/i=1f(xi)xi this, but that would take too long.
I once saw a post somewhere far away from here about a kid who had a knee surgery and he was feeling kind of off afterwards and thought the surgery gave him schizophrenia. I don’t . . . I mean, if you want to get technical, loose association? Dude, I don’t know. I can’t even connect the dots on that one. I’m probably not meant to.
Firstly, I don’t even use the word schizophrenia–unless, obviously, I’m forced: on a test, to explain something to a mass of people who prefer for me to use that terminology, and sometimes I used it because I feel like people (in the MH community) are more comfortable with the terminology because it feels more like a validation of its existence. I’m met with flack sometimes if I don’t use it, because people claim I’m “denying” the experience. I’m not. But whatever.
There are a lot of stereotypes associated with the word also. And with that comes a standard of behavior people expect others who fall under that category to have. And I just explained in my last post how damaging assumptions can be. Explaining the depth of that would be the n/i=1f(xi)xi part. Researchers quantify behavior all the time, and think it’s legitimate, I can quantify my blog post if I want. Deal with it.
Anyway, I don’t need to explain why I don’t often use mental disorder terminology. I used it in a cover letter once. Had it in my blog description for a bit. Hmm. Used it in class when forced. That’s about it.
Back to the issue at hand. These fucking questions.
If you’re contacting me because you took an online test that said you have a high probability of “having schizophrenia”, I’ll just tell you right now nothing you read was legitimate. If you click YES or “MODERATELY” to ONE question about 1) vague paranoia 2) sense of unreality 3) having “magical thinking” i.e, a sign on a street is meant for you, 4) anything considered “abnormal”, then the end result WILL tell you there’s a probability you “have schizophrenia”. It’s an algorithm that’s meant to fuck with your head.
I’ve taken the MMPI 2, too. Jesus Christ. According to that, I’m a hot mess.
Real assessments, or internet assessments, don’t take them seriously. If you’re having to judge your own “magical thinking” . . . I mean, come on. If you’re really gone away from this world, you think you would notice? Especially if you haven’t had any previous experience with it?
Even other people judging “magical thinking”: those people have their own stereotypes and their own reservations, so their judgement won’t be based off the DSM 5 like they say. Their judgement is based off their personal opinion.
If you’re contacting me because weird shit has been going on, cool, let’s talk about the weird shit. I love weird shit.
If you’re contacting me because you get really nervous in crowds and feel like people are talking about you . . . well, welcome to 90% of the population. Glad you could join us.
If you’re contacting me because “you feel like you’re going crazy” and wanted to know “if it was schizophrenia”, I don’t know what “going crazy” means, you’re going to need to explain and even then I can’t give you the answer you’re looking for. I’m just another human living through the human experience.
Professionals say it’s common for people with anxiety to feel like they’re developing this thing they call schizophrenia. I’m not going to chalk it up to anxiety. I’m going to chalk it up to a few things, actually:
- People are dealing with a sense of loss of control.
- What’s the one thing everyone is fearful of developing mental health wise because of what they’ve heard/learned/seen?
- They don’t have an explanation for why things are going the way they are, so let’s assume the “worst”.
- Were that type of development to occur, it would be taken more “seriously” in the mental health community than things like anxiety and depression. That’s the honest truth.
- People have spent a lot of time mulling these types of things over. As a result, it’s only makes things more intense. The more intense things are, the more convinced they are.
This list could go on for ages.
The bottom line is people aren’t feeling right. I’m not going to put a label to that because everyone is different, so don’t ask me to. You want a label? Want meds? Want general misunderstanding? Head to your local psychiatrist, not your local nutjob.*
And maybe you are a psycho bitch, but that doesn’t have anything to do with this thing called schizophrenia. It also doesn’t have anything to do with me. So, you know, if you are psycho, don’t come over here and kill my vibe.
*DISCLAIMER: Not all psychiatrists are bad, I’m not a nutjob, and the only thing that really kills my vibe is this horrible hair color I have right now.